I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
