Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
