I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
