They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this will be a night to untag.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
