where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
