Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
