READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
