just tell him i said nine months
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
