At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This baby is an asshole
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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