She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Drunk is not a location!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
