So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
