I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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