Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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