you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
