Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
