Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
