So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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