Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
