Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
