Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
