he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Buhtt sex?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
