i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
