i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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