I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
