you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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