it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
