My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
