Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
