Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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