You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
