yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's the barista slut.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
