He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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