you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
