I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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