every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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