OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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