i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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