Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
BRING THE BAGELS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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