I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
