Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i out mim tonsoeep
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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