three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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