You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
