So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
