BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
