Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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