Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
