I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
