Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
