I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
