please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
