Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
