So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
